Thoughts
by OfficerKennedy
Summary: Leon's thinking about death. That's normal for his line of work right? Krauser seems to think so.


Notes:- I don't really know where this one came from. I've been wanting to write a story revolving around Leon and Krauser for a while. Anyway, enjoy!

Thoughts

"Do you ever think about death Jack"?

The question had come entirely out of the blue. He and Leon were sitting in a run down biker bar, winding down after their latest mission. It had been a reassuringly simple, short affair, go in there, shoot that, destroy this. As usual, the pair had worked together splendidly, executing their well-practised moves to create a symphony of destruction from which nobody had survived. Kennedy and Krauser, the dream team, the two you sent it when you wanted the job done.

Jack looked over at Leon who was staring at his beer bottle blankly. He was picking at the label as so many people often did. He rolled the sticky bits of paper between his fingers before flicking them into a nearby ashtray. He hit the beige ceramic tray every time. Jack expected nothing less.

"What you talking about Kid"? Jack asked gruffly. He wasn't a great thinker. Never had been. Leon however, Leon was different. He was always asking questions, posing theories, contemplating things that would often blow Jack's mind with their complexity.

"Do you ever think what it would be like to die"? Leon asked, his eyes never leaving the beer bottle. Jack smirked and felt a warm rush of affection for his comrade. He shook his head in dismay. Of course he'd thought about death! All soldiers did at one point or another. The very nature of work could mean that you'd be here one minute and gone the next. It was natural to think about the worst and when it might happen. It was the dwelling on it that could be a stone bitch. Dwell on death and before you know it you're scared. He'd seen it happen a dozen times.

"You wonderin' whether you'd get into Heaven Kid"? Jack teased. He wasn't particularly a religious man. His mother and father had been staunch churchgoers and, of course, they'd made him attend but he'd never really listened. He supposed he believed in the notion of Heaven and Hell though.

"That's what people say happens isn't it"? Leon finally looked at him, his stormy grey eyes intense. "I don't really believe it though…people only talk about stuff like that because they don't really know what happens"

"So" Jack decided he was going to humour his younger comrade. "What do you think happens then"? He took another swig of his beer, trying to suppress a chuckle whilst at the same time thinking 'here we go again…'

"I once heard someone talk about reincarnation…" Leon replied, tracing his finger through a small puddle of spilt beer on the bar top.

"You wantin' to come back as someone who's a little less serious"? Jack grinned. "You're way too intense Kid and I've got the proof" He ran his finger down the scar on his face. The angry redness had subsided; giving away to a gentle pink that didn't look as harsh. Leon looked away and Jack knew the kid was still embarrassed. He shrugged. Didn't matter to him. After all, he'd been the one who suggested they spar with real knives and not the crappy rubber training ones. Leon hadn't even wanted to but, as usual, Jack had pushed him and the kid had caved.

"I think you just die" Leon's words were short and simple. "You just stop existing. You know when you wake up after a good sleep and you can't remember specific things, just a period of complete nothingness? Death's like that"

Jack's smile disappeared. This was starting to actually concern him now. He was used to Leon being intense and talkative but he'd never been like this before. He opened his mouth to tell him to knock it off but Leon continued to speak, slowly and carefully, almost as if he were in a dream-like trance.

"Can you imagine that Jack? Nothingness…No talking, no sound at all…no colours, no people, nobody at all and nothing at all. Endless sleep…"

"Stop it" Jack said firmly. He'd seen this before. Some guy he'd worked with a couple of years back. Had a near miss in a fire fight and come out of it the other side obsessed with the notion of death and what it meant. He'd talked like this too and eventually cracked. The last Jack heard, he'd been dismissed from the barracks and was working in some office doing data entry. Leon was too good for that, too skilled. They needed him and Jack was damned if he was going to lose a good partner to some stupid thoughts.

"That's what happens" Leon nodded his head as if to confirm his own thoughts. "The Great Nothing…just sleep"

"Leon. Stop it" Jack repeated, firmer still.

"I think I'd actually quite like that," Leon continued dreamily as if Jack hadn't even spoken to him. "No-one bothering you, no commander screaming in your ear that you're doing it all wrong…no-one asking you a million questions about how you survived Raccoon…I'd never have to see those people again…it'd be nice"

"There's people you'd wanna see Kid" Jack said. He didn't want to indulge these thoughts but there seemed to be no swaying him from the subject. Might as well just ride it out and spar it out of him later. "That Birkin girl and the other one you met in Raccoon, Clara was it"?

"Claire…" Leon corrected him. "You believe in Heaven don't you Jack"? He rounded on him, saying it almost accusingly. "So do you think you're gonna see all those people you've lost"?

"Look Kid…"

"Cos that's why people have the illusion of going to Heaven isn't it? So when someone dies and you think you've lost them forever, you can take comfort in the fact that you're going to see them again in that happy place but really it's all just some big illusion. Think about this Jack, when you're dead you don't have to worry about the illusion of Heaven any more because you've entered that nothingness…"

Before he knew what he was doing, Jack grabbed hold of Leon's wrist. He almost pulled the younger man off the bar stool with his brute strength. Leon let out a strangled cry of surprise when Jack pulled him out of the bar and slammed him up against the brick wall outside. He backhanded Leon across the face sharply.

"You're drunk" He spat into the younger man's face. "Now stop talking crap and we'll walk it off" He grabbed Leon by the wrist again and yanked him along until the kid started walking of his own accord.

They walked along in silence for a while. Jack kept giving Leon little sideways looks. The kid was looking more grounded in reality now, the left hand side of his face bright red from the contact with his hand. Jack was glad that he seemed to have knocked all that death stuff out of him. They were due back at the barracks tomorrow; no doubt to receive another mission and Leon couldn't afford to not be at his best. Maybe, after the next mission, Jack could try and get them some decent time off. It was probably what the kid needed. Yeah, a few days to just relax and not think about the shit back at the barracks. Jack had a bike, they could take it up to the coast, find some guest house somewhere. Maybe do a bit of fishing.

They were standing at the side of the road now, waiting for a gap in the traffic. Jack was thinking about some of the places he could take Leon and exactly what he'd say to their commanding officer to wangle the time off. Leon was watching the cars, obviously waiting for a long enough break in the traffic that would allow them to cross safely. Jack remembered the perfect fishing spot he'd found when he'd last been granted leave.

"I was thinking. We can get some leave. I know this perfect fish-"

Jack didn't get to finish the rest of his sentence. Without warning and completely calmly, Leon stepped out into the road, still busy and noisy with the roar of the rushing traffic.

BANG!

"LEON"!

Leon wasn't moving. Jack stood, rooted to the spot as all around him, hell broke loose. Horns beeping, brakes squealing, people shouting, a woman screaming. Jack didn't really hear any of that. All he kept hearing was Leon's words back at the bar.

Nothingness. A Great Nothingness.

Leon was gone.

The words haunted him.

'Do you ever think about death Jack'?

THE END


End file.
